Claudia Black, M.S.W., Ph.D., the author of two articles on substance abuse included in our Winter Web Issue, has generously granted us permission to share these materials with our readers. The information you'll read has been used by CCS counselors who consider them effective tools for discussion in the substance abuse treatment environment. For more information on Claudia Black, or to review or purchase her clinical materials, you may visit her website at www.claudiablack.com.

In the telling of this story to a group of people in early recovery, if they were to put themselves on that ship knowing what the outcome would be, most would say that they would be in the group that was saved.

It has been commonly stated that as many as 70% of all chemically dependent people who attempt to stop drinking or using will experience relapse, and often times more than once. And for most, as you would survive the Titanic, you know you are in the 30% who won't be relapsing.

With a little bit of time clean and sober, and armed with a little bit of knowledge, it is easy to move into the illusion of immunity. The illusion is the facade that we create in our mind that we are immune to relapse. Relapse occurs when an addicted person becomes clean and sober, has a period of continuous sobriety, and then resumes their use of alcohol, drugs, or other addictive behaviors.

I have worked in the field of chemical dependency for over twenty years. In that time I have had the honor of witnessing hundreds, if not thousands of men and women of every age recover from chemical dependency. At the same time, I have seen many put together several weeks to a few months, to those who have put together a few to several years of sobriety to then relapse.

Some people die in their relapse; others will remain in chronic relapses, and yet even more ultimately find continuous sobriety and a quality to that sobriety. Anyone in recovery is prone to relapse. To assume and simply hope it will not occur is denial. You must take a proactive stance and be willing to go to any lengths to stay in sobriety.

Most addiction professionals agree that to achieve ongoing recovery, the desire to quit drinking and using has to be there; and on a daily basis that desire and the commitment to recovery needs to be reaffirmed. Certain basics need to be addressed when someone has a history of relapse, such as was there a commitment to an ongoing program of recovery, was there a willingness to follow direction, etc.

To give yourself a better chance to stay clean and sober, I will delineate a path that makes it more possible to route you safely through the four icebergs in recovery.

Overconfidence; the belief in your own abilities to handle situations without a respect for the insidiousness of addiction. Signs of overconfidence are:

Recovery is the ability to genuinely recognize that in fact others do have something to offer. We do not have all of the answers, and it is in letting go of control that we will find some answers.

Control; the manipulation of people, places, and things. In early recovery, people pride themselves on surrendering to the addiction, but after a little bit of recovery people often take control in every other area of their life.

Controlling behavior is about many things. Controlling behavior is often a response to shame. It compensates for the inner belief that I am not adequate, I am insufficient, I am damaged. It compensates for my helplessness. It gives me a sense of power to compensate for the sense of powerlessness. It may be a false sense of power, but it's better than no power.

There are many styles of control. Four of the most common are:

Irrespective of the style under which we may be controlling, controlling people operate from a position of fear, shame, and distrust. Controllers end up very angry or depressed because their needs cannot be met. An excellent question to ask is, what are the areas in your life that you think you could in fact be experiencing difficulty with because you are trying to control that which you do not have the power to control? How would those close to you answer that question?

I am going to take you through an exercise. Sit back, uncross your arms, legs, and take a deep breath in and out. Close your eyes and give thought to how you would finish this sentence. Giving up control in my life would mean...

Many people would finish that statement, saying...
My wife would leave
I won't get my way
I would feel weak
I would be invisible, not noticed
Something bad would happen
People will take advantage of me

Knowing the fear is the first step in letting go of control. Those fears may have been a reality in your formative years or when you were using, but they are not necessarily a reality today. It is vital to know the fear and put it in a realistic perspective. How real is that fear today?

In letting go of control, you have the opportunity to experience the promise of recovery. In letting go of control, you have the potential to find intimacy. In letting go of control, you will have the ability to hear others - to listen. In letting go of control, you will discover spontaneity and genuine laughter. In letting go of control, you will find an inner peace.

Controlling behavior not only puts distance between others and ourselves; it separates us from ourselves. It is a spiritual divider.

Recovery is a spiritual process. In adhering to a twelve-step model of recovery, the third step of AA says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."

To truly grasp that, one has to also grasp that faith and control cannot peacefully coexist.

For many, the attraction to alcohol, drugs, and other addictive behaviors was that it was an anesthetic, a medicator. It isn't the feelings themselves that gets people in trouble so much in early recovery. Feelings are valid. The defenses created against the feelings are where the problems start.

What feelings are the easiest for you to show people? What feelings are the most difficult for you to show people? Take one of those feelings that are difficult to show others and identify what you do to mask that feeling. When you are angry, do you mask your feelings with humor or sadness? When you are frightened do you mask it by getting angry? Lastly, using the feeling you just identified, what is your fear of what would happen if you showed that feeling?

Many people are most afraid of sadness and anger. What is your fear about what might happen if you got in touch with your sadness? What is your fear about what might happen if you got in touch with your anger? So often people's fears are based in history and that is a history that does not need to repeat itself. No one has to take advantage of you. No one will think you are stupid. You never have to hurt another in anger.

Recovery is learning to tolerate emotional pain without needing to medicate, to know when and how to express feelings in a way you feel heard.

For recovery, people need to be willing to walk through their pain, not around it. It is important to remember that when you come face to face with painful feelings, it is not the time to run away or hide, but to move through the feelings, to gather your strength and seek a constructive solution.

A wise priest once said, "As manure is God's way of fertilizing flowers, pain fertilizes the human soul."

Secrets: most significantly shame-based secrets. In early recovery as you are working the Twelve Steps, people have the opportunity to share secrets that keep them in pain. With ongoing sobriety people become more and more honest with themselves and become aware of even more secrets.

Secrets are often about sexual behavior while under the influence, about physical or sexual abuse - for many the memories only come after one has been off the drugs or alcohol for a period of time. It could be secrets of abusing someone else physically or sexually, relationships, extramarital affairs, or past or present sexual orientation. It could be the ongoing use of other drugs that you have not acknowledged. It could be about criminal activity.

Whatever the secrets, recovery means a program of rigorous honesty. The weight of secrets is such that for many, they ultimately return to using their drug of choice. It is vital that you understand you are not your secret, what you may have done may have caused you and others pain, but you can take responsibility for that. What may have been done to you causes great pain but is not a statement about your worth, you are important, you are of value, and you did not deserve to be treated in a hurtful manner.

Secrets need to be told to be free of the guilt and pain, yet secrets are not to be shared with everyone. Some secrets are best shared in a closed group, or just with a sponsor, or a therapist.

In addressing overconfidence, control issues, fear of feelings and secrets, one needs to humble oneself to recognize that you do not have all of the answers. You need to have a healthy respect for the disease, let go of control, and have faith. You need to feel your feelings and find healthy ways to dissipate or express feelings and share the more painful secrets with safe people.

We do not blindly step onto any Titanic. Anytime we set out on a voyage we prepare ourselves; we consider the direction we are going, we anticipate the pitfalls and the best route to take and we have safety contingencies.

In all humbleness to the wickedness of addiction, any illusion about infallibility is replaced with a respect for the insidiousness of the disease and an ongoing commitment to a daily recovery program.