• If the children don't see or experience the abuse, they have no feelings about it and are not affected by it.
  
  
• Parents should "protect" their children by not talking honestly and openly about the abuse (e.g., why it happens, how it affects others, what it means).
  
  
• Children are resilient and will recover from the effects of coming from an abusive home on their own (i.e., they don't need any help from "outsiders")

• The frequency, severity, and duration of the abuse that occurs
  
  
• Whether abuse is directed toward the child him/herself (although even a simple observation of abuse in the home can have profound and damaging effects)
  
  
• How children interpret the experience
  
  
• What kinds of survival skills the child has developed
  
  
• How much family or outside emotional support is available to the child

• It's okay to be abusive in order to control people and situations and to feel powerful
  
  
• In the most common situations, that men are moody, uncaring, cruel, controlling, intimidating, and aggressive
  
  
• In the most common situations, that women are weak, powerless, passive ineffectual, and good "targets"
  
  
• They are responsible for and cause the abuse (i.e., they believe it's their fault that violence is occurring)
  
  
• Their job is to protect or comfort their parent(s) or their siblings
  
  
• Being indirect and manipulative rather than being direct and assertive is a better (and safer) way to get what you want in life
  
  
• Being passive and submissive is the best way to "get by" in life
  
  
• They should be ashamed of their family and of themselves
  
  
• They need to keep the family "secret"
  
  
• They are powerless and incompetent themselves (i.e., low self-esteem that arises because they are not able to affect or stop the abuse that is going on)
  
  
• Other people can't be trusted
  
  
• They need to blame someone and find a scapegoat whenever they have strong feelings about some issue that arises or situation that occurs

• Acting out or withdrawing
• Overachieving or underachieving
• School refusal
• Caretaking
• Being aggressive or passive
• Having rigid defenses
• Sleeping difficulties
• Continually seeking attention
• Being unwilling to accept discipline

Emotional reactions

• Guilt
• Shame
• Fear
• Anger
• Confusion
• Helplessness/powerlessness/depression Burden/overwhelmed
• Grief and loss
• Anxiety

Physical reactions

• Often having physical complaints
• Being restless/"jittery"
• Being tired/lethargic Neglecting personal hygiene
• Often being ill
• Lack of reaction to physical pain
• Regression in developmental task

Social reactions

• Being isolated Having relationships that start with great intensity and end abruptly
• Having difficulty trusting others
• Having poor communication and conflict resolution skills
• Being unwilling to share or compromise
• Being over-involved with friends
• Being a "bully" or being a "doormat"